The girls are asleep, well, for now they are. What happens in the earliest hours of the day no one knows. I can definitely say without question, being a mom isn't boring, you cannot for a second predict how your days or nights will turn out.
So I have managed to get some work done, had a million emails I didn't get to today, I've had my cup of tea and now want to dedicate what little time I have left of today to write a post. .
What I should be doing is getting in to bed and getting whatever sleep I can get, because, only the moon, could tell me if tonight the girls will be sleeping through or mamma will be going from one to the other the whole night again.
Its been a hard couple of weeks or months even. Feel like my life has been trying to teach me valuable lessons and some I am learning from and others I am still trying to figure out what on earth could it possibly be trying to say.
So basically I have so many things to share with you, but the one thing that is really top of my mind especially right now as I sit here today.. is this new body I have to call mine.
I know everyone I have spoken to and in every post you see and article you read it says the same thing; Love and appreciate your new body, its the body that helped grow your little babies. Every kg, every stretch mark is a reminder of how beautiful our bodies are and how we have this incredible 'magic' within us to create a home to grow a little human.
I get all of that. I understand this magic on another level because I look at these two magnificent little faces that I get to call my daughters and I am blown away and speechless at the thought of how my short 157m body was home to two little babies for 37 weeks. How these two little embryos grew into little humans, with beating hearts, growing bones, a little embryo that was too small to even fit in the head of a needle grew into 2kg little human beings. I still, as I even sit here and type this I shake my head in pure disbelief at just how much of a miracle it is to grow a little human (and more so two little humans at the same time) inside of you.
So I'm not for a single second taking any of that for granted. Or not appreciating the pure magic that my body lived through. But shew it is hard to look down at this body that may look familiar but you can't quite recognize.
I put on a total of 17kg with my pregnancy, and managing to loose that extra weight. It's the difference in my skin and how it feels on my tummy, 'that' line that is slowly and I mean slowly getting lighter, that not one tells you will stay behind, the deflation of my once perky and fuller breasts, its the tenderness of my c-section scar and the roundness of the new addition to my body; the kangaroo pouch, that I can't quite familiarize myself with.
So yes, I look back at how I viewed my body before I fell pregnant and wish I could tell my past-self to just love my body and be proud of it.
And yes, now I look at myself in the mirror and things have changed, they not quite as a I remember and I am finding it hard to feel confident and comfortable in clothes I used to wear. But, I think what I have realized is, its time to start feeling like the new me. I am not the same Sandra I used to be and I am really loving this new me. Now its time to start loving this new body that belongs to me.
It's now time for me to keep applying the oils and cream to smoothe and soften that skin again to just how I remember it to be. To look at my breasts as the form of milk gold I was able to give them for five days after they were born. (Yes this may not seem like much but I got to feed them some of this magical food). As the days gets colder the scar gets a little more tender, but then I look at it again and I see how my little babies came out into the world. And then the hardest one of all - the kangaroo pouch. Its sometimes hard to look at this and not just see a fat tummy, but I do know this is the exact 'pouch' and home that stretched and grew big enough to hold my two babies and kept them safe and protected from everything for so long.
So each and every day now I just need to work a little harder to appreciate my new body more and more. It's going to take some time, but I'll get there and more than likely with the help of some hard earned fitness and healthier eating than my current state of affairs.
To all the mammas getting used to their new bodies, although some days it may be harder than others. Embrace that beautiful body that was a home to your little babas.