I remember feeling so disappointed in myself that I wasn't going to be able to fall pregnant 'naturally'. Even to this day when people ask about the girls - the very first questions you get is, "Oh do you have twins in the family?" or "Oh did you have them naturally?".
Why as woman do we put so much pressure on ourselves to be a certain way and do things a certain way. Its taken me some time but now I am just as proud of myself for having my girls, what I can only assume to be the 'unnatural way'. When they are older and can understand I get to explain to them, that mamma wanted them so bad she got very clever Dr's to help mamma and daddy make them. Isn't that just as special?
So back to the whole process. I had now taken all the injections and gotten to the point that the Dr believed my eggs were the right size and shape and we could get ready to extract them. This is a fairly uncomplicated procedure, but they are nice enough to put you under local to do this - so luckily not a painful procedure at all. It is a very nerve wracking procedure though because this is when they find out exactly how many eggs are viable and that they can work with. This is where you hope all those injections and magic liquid did what they needed to do.
The most anticipated part is that you only find out how many eggs they could take out when you wake up and you see the sticker on your hand with that number. I was so nervous but by the awful picture below you can see, despite being totally drugged and out of it I was so relieved and so happy with my 7 eggs.
Then its the really really hard part the waiting... the waiting to hear how many little embryos you have left at the end of the longest 5 days ever.
So basically for everyone who isn't familiar with IVF, they now take those 7 eggs and fertilise them with those good little sperms and wait a whole 5 days. The diagram below shows the stages the embryo takes to get to the final stage which is called the blastocyst. The embryo is only viable if it makes it to day 5 and becomes a baby blastocyst.
They phone you the next day and say how many survived day 1, they then only phone again on day 3 and then they don't call again until you arrive there on day 5 to hopefully insert them back and grow your little baby.
Day 1 - We had 5 that made it from the 7. I was a little sad but really excited that we still had a handful to work with.
Day 3 - We now only had 3 little embryos growing. I was absolutely devastated - it felt like I had already made such a connection to these little embryos and was so sad that they all couldn't live.
Day 5 - We arrive at the clinic early early in the morning and hear all 3 of our little embryos are still alive and at blastocyst stage.
This procedure, doesn't require any local as its not meant to be painful but more like having a paps smear and more uncomfortable than anything. I was so so nervous, I knew the Dr was going to ask us how many we wanted to put in and as we all know the chances of having multiples with IVF are much higher. The Dr then asks us and we just said we want the best chance of having our little baby. He then said that with my case and the quality of my eggs we needed to insert two eggs.
So our two little embryos get put in. Its actually quite amazing to witness a part of the whole process that you usually wouldn't be involved in. We got to watch on the monitor right as the two teeny tiny embryos that fit the head of a needle get pushed in my uterus. I know the picture doesn't look like much but that over there is my two little miracle babies.
Another thing that really contributed to my whole experience are the amazing Dr's at Vitalab. When the Dr was finished inserting the embryos he gave me a big hug and send this is the Vitalab squeeze to get those little embryos to stick.
And that is exactly the most important and final step in the IVF process - a little embryo needs to stick to the wall of the uterus (just like peanut butter and jam sandwich - the Dr said to me). So I went home, put my feet up and chilled with my fur-babies to really make sure the little embryos were comfy.
Our dogs are just so amazing and so connected to us, I am convinced they just knew what was happening. Just look how they were lying right by my tummy.
And now the most grueling and emotionally draining part of the entire process... "The Two Week Wait". You now get sent on your merry way with a bunch more meds to take and the hopes of getting a positive on the pregnancy blood test you gave to do in 14 days.
Those two weeks play such awful games with your emotions, you go from feeling confident that its already working, to feeling like you have lost the embryos. I can't explain how precious and careful you become with your body knowing that you could potentially influence the fate of these little embryos, these little babies.
And so the day finally arrives. 10 May 2018, we leave home at 6:30 to get to the lab just after 7 to take the blood tests to see if I'm pregnant.
We go do the bloods and the Lancet at Vitalab, and then we leave and wait for the phone to ring. now to wait and hear if after all of this you still not pregnant or if you can be the lucky one.
Now as I mentioned in Part 1, we decided to tell everyone (or whoever asked) that we were doing IVF. That means all the family and close friends knew today was the day. This may have been the one day we had wished we hadn't told anyone only because our phones didn't stop ringing the entire morning asking for the results and wondering why they hadn't heard from us. The pressure was just too much.
But we got that call, the nurse called and said, "My girl, you did so so good - you are pregnant." Oh my gosh I just broke down and started crying and just kept on saying thank you thank you. What a moment to know that I hadn't let my body down again - that I managed to get the little embryo to stick and I was going to be a mamma after all.
At the point that they call you and you do the bloods you are officially 4 weeks pregnant. You only go back to Vitalab for your first scan at 7 weeks. Now that means 3 whole weeks to wait. I mean the waiting is actually horrendeous - I just couldn't wait that long. So we went to MamaMagic, The Baby Expo and did the 4D Scan at the show. I was only 6 weeks at this point and I mean we all know at that point there is truly nothing to see at 4D, but it was a scan and I needed to know I was still pregnant.
I am now lying on the bed at the scan and we are ready to see that little embryo. BUT God had another plan for us. right on the screen as clear as the day - two little embryos are sitting side by side, and the lady says; "Congratulations you are 100% pregnant with a multiple pregnancy. I looked at my husband he was at this point, pale with his hands on his face and then I could just see how shocked he was. Baring the fact that he almost had a heart attack that day and I think many more after that, the thought slowly started to digest more and more.
I just starting giggling, I knew there was a possibility but oh my gosh I never ever thought it would happen to me. We were going to have twins... do you know that is two babies at the same time. Oh gosh! The same woman that couldn't fall pregnant the natural way now needed to become a mamma twice in one go. Now I was totally convinced I would never be able to do this.
My little girls are now days away from being 4 months, and I still think most days, "How am I going to do this?". A friend of mine who also has twins, always says to me, "Don't worry it does get easier.", but like I said to her I don't think it gets easier - I think we just get better at it.
xx