The most beautiful memory came up on my phone today and its made me take a step back and just look at where we have come.
These were the videos from our 9 week and last appointment at Vitalab exactly 1 year ago today. The scary, daunting and exciting 4 month IVF journey had now come to an end. This was such a surreal moment for me, I'm not sure if it was still that I was still coming to terms with the fact that I was actually pregnant with two little babies, or if it was the relief after the fear I would experience before every appointment - worrying would there still be two heartbeats, would there still be two babies, would I still be pregnant.
I have now played back this video for the 100th time and that beautiful little sound that resembles galloping horses are the very same beating hearts of my beautiful little baby girls.
I realise just how strange this can all sound - a year later how am I still so in shock and find all of this so incredible and surreal?
I sit her writing this and looking over at my babies sound asleep in their cot beside me and I can't believe that these little humans grew in my tummy and that I was blessed with not one but two little angels.
There seems to be a crazy baby boom happening around us from family, to friends to even people we aren't close with. I think its within this space that I find myself replaying my pregnancy and all those little moments that make you miss that part of your journey to being a mamma. I sometimes miss how I could protect them so much easier in my tummy than I can from this big scary world out here. In a very selfish way how I could almost have them all to myself and now I have to share with everyone.
But then on the flip side of that I look forward to helping them grow into strong confident little humans that can take on this big scary world. In a very proud way, I love to share my babies with my family and friends, I want them to experience their magic the way I get to.
Small parts of me do get sad to think that I won't be pregnant again. That my one time pregnancy was for two little babies but one whole experience and I won't be able to compare experiences from each child or be able to relive that whole time. But then I look at these videos and see what a miracle it is to grow little human beings inside of you and my heart wants to burst with all the love I have for them.
xx