I guess I have to start off by saying I am still here... I know I have been a little quiet lately but just been juggling all the different hats I have to wear and yea life has just been pretty brutal on me these last few weeks. Between the mom hat, the wife hat, the working mom hat (and subsequently the business woman hat too), the daughter hat, the sister hat, the mom nurse hat, and then the me hat that pretty much holds a piece of all of these hats - I haven't quite felt grounded or in tune with myself.
I have even found myself wondering, is blogging really something I can do. I mean should I be writing these posts? Do my words mean something to someone reading it? Am I ok if it doesn't? I guess I just realized, you know what, maybe I'll never be a great blogger but if someone reading my post feels like they not alone in their journey then well I'll keep writing (even if it is just for me and a place to share a piece of me.)
So yea the past few weeks (no days... hmmm no I think weeks is right) have been a bit hectic, most especially with my 'mom hat' on.
In a nutshell...yes I was what I have heard people refer to as the "Lucky One" because my girls were sleeping pretty much through from as early as 3 months. They would sleep from about 9pm - 4am.
I was also the mom that got totally absorbed in the romantic notions that come with being a mom and having gorgeous little babas. In this bubble I was living in, babies that sleep through from early on stay sleeping through. ( I mean why else would I think anything different?)
But the reality is that these things don't unfortunately stay that way for every baby and their mammas and dads.
That realization lead me to this new term... "Sleep Regression". For any of the mammas that have also heard this for the first time this is what Google defines it to be:
A sleep regression is a period of time, usually anywhere from 2-6 weeks, when your baby suddenly wakes frequently during the night and refuses/fights sleep in general, after previously sleeping well.
I on the other hand would define it something like this;
A sleep regression is something that hits you, but like square in the face, when you least expect it. One day you put your babas (or baba) down and they fall asleep and sleep so well until the next morning at around 4/5am. Then suddenly when you think you have it all worked out, that one day you put them to sleep (hmmm, or rather you try put them to sleep) and its trickier than the day before and they don't quite seem to settle. Then you tuck them in make sure they warm and comfy and walk inside to do some work, clean, watch tv, shower you know whatever. AND THEN there it starts the one wakes up and when you think you've settled them the other one wakes up and pretty much through the night this is what you doing.
That pretty much sums up the last few weeks of my life. For a solid week I was at a push and if I was really lucky, was getting 2-3 hours broken sleep. I didn't know I could be that exhausted but in the same breathe as I type this and say it in my mind... I also didn't realize how powerful and superhuman a mom can be. I mean seriously, we f@%!ing rock!
Yea I mean you are physically exhausted, emotionally drained, your body actually pains but you get up when they cry and you pick them up and hold them close to you and tell them mamma is here, everything is going to be ok. Then you stay awake because you worry for them and hope they not in pain, or discomfort. Then you get ready for work put on some makeup and hope the bags and rings will show a little less and off you go to conquer the day again, then you get home and it starts all over again.
A few weeks have passed, I am not 100% sure how long its been - but it does seem to be settling again, they are still very unsettled when putting them to sleep but when they settle they are settling much better and having a nice good sleep and maybe just waking once or twice through the night. I am hopeful there is some sleep at the end of this tunnel.
I'm still not sure I quite understand or believe in these "sleep regressions" but believe that it could be more of a deep rooted problem but I mean who the heck knows. I find as a mom I am questioning absolutely anything and everything so this is no different. Maybe they teething, maybe their tummies are sore, maybe they growing, maybe they over stimulated, but maybe just maybe its just the moon, maybe the moons to blame for all this disruption.
To any mammas going through these very interesting sleep regressions, you are not alone. Just hang on, somehow when you think you won't be able to do another night - things seem to get better. YOU GOT THIS MAMMA.
xxx