So its been interesting, and I thought the newborn phase was hectic - but I think its safe to say the potential teething, moon interference phase is, ummm, just as challenging. Just now at this stage almost 7 months in, you've had well, about 7 months of less sleep.
So even though I have been quiet, I am still here, trying to conquer each day as a mamma bear.
I've been asked a lot lately, how motherhood has changed me. All I heard when I was pregnant was how motherhood would change you forever. "You will never be the same once you become a mom."
Then suddenly all those thoughts just begin to fester and you imagine what kind of mom you will be, what kind of woman you will now become, what kind of wife you will become? Will you change for the better or the worse? I've read so much about this, most especially when I was pregnant, and trying to drown myself in as much information and knowledge as I could possibly absorb,
I have spoken to so many moms who say motherhood hasn't affected or changed them in the slightest. I've spoken to others that say they wish they had become mothers sooner because they preferred the new person they had become. Then others who say they've totally lost themselves in this ever demanding role. I have seen these changes in so many moms in my life. And It was then, that I always wondered how this would change me.
To answer the question, absolutely yes, I think motherhood has changed me.
Without a shadow of a doubt. Different situations take precedence at different stages of your life. And let me tell you motherhood absolutely defines that. What I have realized is that you don't just experience this one big change, you change a little more during each stage of being a mom.
So how have I changed?
My priorities now, are my girls. My selfishness to make me happy is no longer even in question. I put my girls before everything now. Yes this has been to some detriment or maybe that isn't even the right word. Its definitely prevented me from doing the little things and little pleasures I used to do often and without question. You know, your nails, your hair, a massage that kind of thing.
But then I realized, yes the girls are my priority BUT I, also need to be my priority. I need to be the best version of me, I need to be strong, I need to feel good, I need to also do what makes me happy and me tick. The best version of me I can be, will be, the best version of a mamma for my babies.
And thats why, I now dedicate an hour every second or third Sunday to go get my hair blow-dried, get my nails done and on the really special days even sneak in a pedi. Yea all these things are really superficial but I have always taken pride in how I present myself and never want to let that go and loose the elements of me, that well, make me, me.
I think another thing that has changed. I have always been a workaholic, I am one of the fortunate ones that love what I do and love my work. I also work in an industry that doesn't really sleep and sometimes you need to work a little harder and a little longer than the usual 9-5.
Being a mom hasn't made me less ambitious or less motivated its just made me need some sort of structure and balance to make sure I can still work, still be ambitious, still build a career for myself whilst at the same time be a mamma to my girls.
Yes this has been the most challenging, and I am still figuring this out each and every day, but I will figure it all out, I do believe that.
Ultimately for me, its the balance and the time that I find the hardest to manage. The days blur into one another. I don't have the time I used to, to go out to run errands, do shopping, do my hair spoil myself etc. But now I have other pleasures. Waking up to the sound of Alaia talking to herself and playing with her hands. Then she sees my face and gives me the most incredible smile. Or when I get home from work and pick up Gisela and she holds my face in her hands, opens her mouth and give me a sloppy beautiful kiss. Or even, on a Sunday morning when my mom arrives and I get to sneak off for an hour and have some me time while hubby and mom take over.
Whatever the challenges, whatever the changes, mamma hood isn't easy but shew, its worth it. And the more I get to be a mom, the better I will become at balancing all the roles of me I need to master.
xx